Log in

May. 4th, 2014

Wrote a long post about Roy Ngerng's blog posts about the CPF-HDB scheme, cost of living in Singapore, etc. Although I do not agree with all he said, there are some truth. They are really a bunch of rubbish. I don't know if any of you read and wants to share your thoughts with me?
There are moments when you have to take a risk, to do crazy things.

In real life, love has to be possible. Even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire.

"To love"
"To those wise enough to understand that sometimes love is nothing more than the foolishness of childhood."
"The wise are wise only because they love. And they foolish are foolish only because they think they can understand love."

I was tired of days that were all the same.

But love is much like a dam: if you allow a tiny crack to form through which only a trickle of water can pass, that trickle will quickly bring down the whole structure, and soon no one will be able to control the force of the current.
For when those walls come down, then love takes over, and it no longer matters what is possible or impossible; it doesn't even matter whether we can keep the loved one at our side. To love is to lose control.

Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadow.

"We have to talk about love. You know how I've been these few days. If it has been up to me, the subject would never have come up. But ever since you brought it up, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it."
"It's risky, falling in love."
"I know that. I've been in love before. It's like a narcotic. At first it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day, you want more. You're not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you think you can still control things. You think about the person you love for two minutes, and forget them for three hours.
But then you get used to that person, and you begin to be completely dependent on them. Now you think about him for three hours and forget him for two minutes. If he's not there, you feel like an addict who can't get a fix. And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, you're willing to do anything for love."
"What a horrible way to put it."
"So we should love only those who can stay near us."

Happiness is something that multiplies when it is divided.

A divided kingdom cannot defend itself from its adversaries. A divided person cannot face life in a dignified way.

"If this is your world, I want to learn to be a part of it."

If I have to fall, may it be from a high place.

Love always causes stupidity.

"Most human beings still cannot trust love."

But how to explain suffering because of a man? It's not explainable. With that kind of suffering, a person feels as if they're in hell, because there is no nobility, no greatness - only misery.

"All love stories have much in common. I went through the same thing at one point in my life. But that's not what I remember. What I remember is that love returned in the form of another man, new hopes, and new dreams."

"Love perseveres. It's men who change."


Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, JR.

And Lot's wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been. But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human.
She was turned to a pillar of salt. So it goes.
People aren't supposed to look back. I'm certainly not going to do it anymore.

'Welcome aboard, Mr. Pulgrim,' said the loudspeaker. 'Any questions?'
Billy licked his lips, thought a while, inquired at last: 'Why me?'
That is a very Earthling question to ask, Mr. Pilgrim. Why you? Why us for that matter? Why anything? Becase this moment simply is. Have you ever seen bugs trapped in amber?'
'Yes.' Billy in fact, had a paperweight in his office which was a blob of polished amber with three ladybugs embedded in it.
'Well, here we are, Mr. Pilgrim, trapped in the amber of this moment. There is no why.'

Rosewater to a psychiatrist: I think you guys are going to have to come up with a lot of wonderful new lies, or people just aren't going to want to go on living.

Trout: All these years I've been opening the window and making love to the world.


And so... I'm homeless.

It's not a pleasant story and I do not intend to relive it. It is also not as simple as I had related to many people. At the end of the day, some things are not meant to be spoken, shared, confided in. And hence... I'm ashamed of what had happened, it challanged my morals and ethics, my compassion and my blood. I accept and do not accept the things that had happened and I want to forget it and lead a new life, but at the moment, I'm still lingering within the darkness. I still don't know what to do.

My room faces the main road where a lot of heavy vehicles pass, it is no longer the large, quiet, square room with a walk-in wardrobe. It's decent and my housemates are wonderful people. The landlord cooks lunch for me whenever everyone is around. I do miss living in a place called "my home". I don't know if I do miss living with my family, I'm sure if I do miss them, I only miss the convenience of having them around. I miss Kitty horribly. I have horrible thoughts of receiving phone calls telling me that she is very unwell and then die.

But I believe in the impermanence of all things. They all will come to pass.

I look at my past, I look at my friends' happy lives on Facebook, I stalked C and told myself: "Yes, I feel lousy, I feel like shit." But what can I do? I can't afford to buy a condo. I'm not of age to get a flat. I can't room with my relatives because I don't think I want to and neither do they and I don't like them and the parents will know what I'm doing all the time.

So, I keep some words I see on a friend's wall in my heart:

What is yours would come your way effortlessly. What is not meant for you would be gone even if you manage to posses it. When the time comes for that to have serve its purpose, it would naturally leave. Let It Be.

I'll try to get use to this new place and the new room. When something new happens, I am sure I will get out of here and be happier.

This app sucks

ljapp sucks.
It doesn't auto caps.
It does not look snazzy.
not friendly.
blah blah blah

bye bye ljapp.



If, I'm ever writing a thesis or research paper, it would be about how the explosion of wealth in the early 20th century led to the boom in private collections as well as museums - the lure of expeditions and the want to bring home curios and artefacts.

Imagine if travellers really travel instead of collecting souvenirs or do their shopping along the way. How would travelling be like? Would it be more authentic? More meaningful? Or something different altogether?

Why do people even travel in the past? As wealth comes and technology progresses, it sure changed the definition of travelling a lot.


Updated 22 Oct 2013

Right, I managed to overwrite this entry just now and lot everything... So this incident shall be gone.



Got the LJ app on my phone to see if I'll feel more motivated to pen down my thoughts. Not the best app around but we'll see.


Had 美人锅 on Saturday with ex colleagues. Steamboat soup full of collagen. Unfortunately, basic account doesn't allow me to upload photos. One of the most interesting steamboat meals I had. Tasted good too so no complaints paying $30 for the meal. Walked to Club Street and ended up at Yin Yang Bar for drinks before we ended the night. It was a great catch up.


Would like to record my travel encounters here too... like, the grandpa at Iran to begin with. Then, the old man at Fushimi Inarii, in Brasov, ... ever where I went.


OK, too much distraction. Back to work.

Quiet - Susan Cain

"That fruitful miracle of a communication in the midst of solitude." Proust

Newton was one of the world's great introverts. William Wordsworth described him as "A mind forever/ Voyaging through strange seas of/ Thought alone."

The stereotype of the university professor is accurate for so many people on campus. They like to read; for them there's nothing more exciting than ideas. And some of this has to do with how they spent their time when they were growing up. If you spend a lot of time charging around, then you have less time for reading and learning. There's only so much time in your life. Jerry Miller

Enjoyment appears at the boundary between boredom and anxiety, when the challenges are just balanced with the person's capacity to act. - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi


And the Mountains Echoed - Khaled Hosseini

Out beyond ideas
of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
      - Rumi

You have your life to lose, said the div.
"You already took that from me"

It would strike him with wonder, then, and hope too, that such things happened. ANd though he would know better, he would take heart, and he would open his eyes, and walk.

Mrs Whadati: Parfois je pense que tu es mon seul ami, Nabi. (Sometimes, I think you are my only friend.)

I suspect the truth is that we are waiting, all of us, against insurmountable odds, for something extraordinary to happen to us.

Markos's mother: It's a funny thing, Markos, but people mostly have it backward. They think they live by what they want. But really what guides them is what they're afraid of. What they don't want.
Markos: I don't follow, Mama.
Markos's mother: Well, take you, for instance. Leaving here, The life you've made for yourself. You were afraid of being confined here. With me. You were afraid I would hold you back. Or, take Thalia. She stayed because she didn't want to be stared at anymore.

Pari: But time, it is like charm. You never have as much as you think.